I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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