Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
