Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Soap is not a condiment
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
