A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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