she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
