nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
