I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
someone owes me an orgasm
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
