Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Drake has all the answers
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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