My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
