Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
