My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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