i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
