I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
