Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
