Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
