Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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