I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
