I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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