But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
