I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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