Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
