the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
