that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
