Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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