He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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