i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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