No awkward lesbian experiences without me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize