Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize