hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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