Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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