i'm signing you up for texting rehab
only if we run a train.
done.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just had sex on a roof
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
