PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
