I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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