I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
