Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
