Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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