so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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