i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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