i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize