I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
