i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
