There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
