man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
