At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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