Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
