I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
