I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
