Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
