I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
