I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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