Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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