At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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