he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
