did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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