why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
