now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
