i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
