I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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