Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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