This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
