I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize